Just a Minute....Depression Part 2?...

Hey guys so I'm gonna be posting a day earlier just really felt like i needed to write! So.. i know I've wrote about depression before but its still there and honestly more and more hits me. So by no means I'm I like life shattering depressed but every now and then It hits me in waves and last for a while and I think like a lot of others you try to hide it and don't let anyone know that you are and put on the biggest facade! Then once your by yourself and the fake smiles and happiness is over your left with depression and its a crappy feeling more so then anything the last couple days/week. I can get very down on myself pretty easily but i try and i think moderately succeed at it which is not something I wanna be good at it. I want to be able talk to someone and get it all out but for me it would be so hard to actually open my mouth and let it all out. I just kinda feel like I'm in the middle of the room screaming and no one can hear me at all no matter how loud i get. I feel so secluded with what everyone else wants to do and people get mad at me when I don't feel like going out drinking and being around a bunch of people. That's not who I am which is when it gets so frustrating that people don't understand okay let me stop asking, because he may feel uncomfortable (very true) There's nothing wrong with going out and sometimes I'm all about it but if i dont know the people very well or if I don't really connect right away i feel like closing up in a shell. I just wish people get that when I don't wanna go out and hang with their friends isn't me just being a pain in the ass! it's me freaking out and not feeling comfortable at all, with them constantly saying you have to do it NO! I don't think I'm describing this well *insert monkey emoji with hands over eyes* I may be 23 years old but I'm not one to wanna go out to the bars,parties or hang out with a huge selection of people. I have my select few that I'm so comfortable with but even then some of them still are like NO! you can't do that, like why can't I be who i am which is just the kinda outgoing/introverted person who just wants to hang out go to the movies get some food, shop go on vacation. That's me and that who i am gonna stand by now sometimes Ive met a new person and I'm like wow we really really get along I wanna get to know them. I don't wanna have it shoved down my throat like its what you have to do in society, i want it to be at my own pace and if others cant understand that then maybe they aren't who i thought they would be. I hate being in a depressed hole and feeling like my whole mood all day long is like UGH! i just wanna put my hood up and sit in the corner! I just have to follow that i need to be who i want, not let others influence me into changing my character when that's what makes me.. ME! 

This post again is kinda all discombobulated but if you read this far you are awesome and can't wait to write more and more! Thank you so much and have an awesome day/night where ever you are!