I just want to talk...

So hi. Its been a really long time since I've posted and a lot as happened but that's not what this post is about.. Recently I had broke my knee and pretty much have been home the past month and half. Which leaves your thoughts wandering and can really get the best of you,and that is what this post is about. What's been on my mind a lot is that nobody is the same person you once knew and everyone grows as person. The part in the growth that takes an affect is that you realize... you can't talk to the person because their not there. This is something I've noticed more and more you tell people stuff that you think is important and want to stay between you two bu in reality and deep inside that comment, story, or just a sentence wont stay between you and will get shared with others. That's when you start to realize the person is not there but you don't want to believe that. So you still tell them stuff but now you have to filter what your saying knowing its going back to others and the trust is breaking. When that trust is breaking it's hard to keep pretending and holding on to something that's not there so you start playing make believe. There's another part to this I've been seeing a lot which is if your with that person and maybe someone else. The only thing someone can seem to tell others is how horrible you treat them or how you do this and that etc... This is the worse feeling in the world when you thought you were a nice genuine person and your joking around back and forth, But only thing they seem to repeat is how horrible and mean you are this really takes you back like woah... we are something I thought was solid.. This is the point where you know they have changed so much its almost a stranger, but then you have amazing times where its all okay. I don't know what to do... but I know it felt good to talk even in blog form, when there's know one you can truly tell things to with out it being said to the others. 

Thank you reading this and letting me just vent! 

If you'd like to know when I start posting again which will be every Friday 
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True Friends.... Or not.

Hey guys so today I wanted to touch on true friends and what I think really makes that true friend. First I think someone who you consider your true friend should be who you can be your 100% true self and not have to hide or put on a show. No one will ever be able to be that friend if you can't let them know you 100%. Next you can't be afraid to talk to them no matter what good,bad or ugly you should now before you tell them it will get pretty bad and could turn ugly but you know that it will turn out for good. Another is you can't let them walk all over you and treat you like a door mat and just expect you to do things with out even asking. That's kinda like a double edge sword you know that your true friend will do anything with out asking but I think that comes with limitations. No matter how long you've known someone even if it's 10+ years you should be able to stand up for your self and they should realize what you do for them. Second to last the one that really gets under my skin and makes my blood boil is two things lying and getting blown off, everyone lies and sometimes that lie can help but also hurt at the same time. You should know that you can talk to them no matter what and the lying game doesn't need to be played since you will always be accepting as long as it's the truth. Lastly getting blow off this one is the one that truly makes my blood boil, we all have at some point blown someone off but if it's not for a literal emergency or just something important came up there should be no point. I think it's incredibly rude to just blow someone off week after week with these lies, sucks even more if you know the why but they can't tell the truth. No matter what true friends should be your ride or die, your other half, you jump I jump. True friends will stab you in the front,now personally I'd rather be told head on what the problem is instead of it being danced around and lies are just spilling out like water. So guys if you have that true friend who is there till the end no matter what stay with them and fight like hell to keep it but not to the point of constant hurt. What I do is i will forgive but never will I forget..  Have an awesome weekend and I hope your thanksgiving was spent with friends and family! 

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Life... And All It Brings!!!

Hey guys so long time no write lol... I'm back to writing after being a little unmotivated, But not anymore I've been thinking about it for a while and finally feel like blogging again so I can stick to a schedule! So lets start off with its NOVEMBER!!!!!! HOLY CRAP!!! how did this happen Christmas is in a little over 4 weeks! 2017 is creeping up on us and fast. Second I wanna talk about my future for this blog... So I wanna keep writing and stick to a schedule to stay motivated and write two days a week and maybe thinking about adding another day to introduce a little topic i wanna start. Next I wanna redesign this blog so i can add my personal touch to it and so it looks really good for people reading! Lets take a tiny little turn into darkness lol lately I've been having little bouts of depression and not totally sure why but none the less its not fun. I've been feeling like I'm getting picked on for the littlest of things and after a while the build up drives me insane! for a while I've been contemplating getting away for a few days just to kind of relax and be by myself,I'm not one of those people who need to surrounded by those I'm close with. For me being by myself getting away and not having to really worry about anything at least for a little to think is what helps me out. So in either January or February I will be going to a hotel for 2-3 days just enough time to clear my head feel good again. So that's my little update so far, i hope you guys are excited for more posts and consistency on here and I will see you guys in a few days :D have an awesome day! 

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Lets Just Talk...About Anything?!?

Hey guys its Tuesday which mean its time to kinda just rant about the most random things! So first off can we talk about how tomorrow is October 19th already this year has flown by so much faster then last year! The next two months have I have so much stuff to buy lol between birthdays and Christmas which i wanna try to get done by the end of next month! Woo! Next I've been obsessed with video games which isn't odd but i normally don't play many and I'm loving it!!! First was batman arkham origins then Beyond Two Souls which if you have not played I 100% totally recommend it. This game is so interactive which i love then the story and graphics are incredible! Last but not least I've been currently play Heavy Rain which is a lot like until dawn with the choices you make kinda of affect what happens further on in the game. The last is an oldie but a goodie! Resident Evil: Code Veronica X I love this game its awesome because it has Chris and Clair Redfield which is amazing but the adventure you go on is intense,nerve racking, awesome. Totally a game you wanna play! This was a totally random post but i just wanted to give a little update on what I'm doing and I can't wait to talk to you guys again! See you on Sunday!

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Have an awesome Day!!! :D

Just a Minute....Depression Part 2?...

Hey guys so I'm gonna be posting a day earlier just really felt like i needed to write! So.. i know I've wrote about depression before but its still there and honestly more and more hits me. So by no means I'm I like life shattering depressed but every now and then It hits me in waves and last for a while and I think like a lot of others you try to hide it and don't let anyone know that you are and put on the biggest facade! Then once your by yourself and the fake smiles and happiness is over your left with depression and its a crappy feeling more so then anything the last couple days/week. I can get very down on myself pretty easily but i try and i think moderately succeed at it which is not something I wanna be good at it. I want to be able talk to someone and get it all out but for me it would be so hard to actually open my mouth and let it all out. I just kinda feel like I'm in the middle of the room screaming and no one can hear me at all no matter how loud i get. I feel so secluded with what everyone else wants to do and people get mad at me when I don't feel like going out drinking and being around a bunch of people. That's not who I am which is when it gets so frustrating that people don't understand okay let me stop asking, because he may feel uncomfortable (very true) There's nothing wrong with going out and sometimes I'm all about it but if i dont know the people very well or if I don't really connect right away i feel like closing up in a shell. I just wish people get that when I don't wanna go out and hang with their friends isn't me just being a pain in the ass! it's me freaking out and not feeling comfortable at all, with them constantly saying you have to do it NO! I don't think I'm describing this well *insert monkey emoji with hands over eyes* I may be 23 years old but I'm not one to wanna go out to the bars,parties or hang out with a huge selection of people. I have my select few that I'm so comfortable with but even then some of them still are like NO! you can't do that, like why can't I be who i am which is just the kinda outgoing/introverted person who just wants to hang out go to the movies get some food, shop go on vacation. That's me and that who i am gonna stand by now sometimes Ive met a new person and I'm like wow we really really get along I wanna get to know them. I don't wanna have it shoved down my throat like its what you have to do in society, i want it to be at my own pace and if others cant understand that then maybe they aren't who i thought they would be. I hate being in a depressed hole and feeling like my whole mood all day long is like UGH! i just wanna put my hood up and sit in the corner! I just have to follow that i need to be who i want, not let others influence me into changing my character when that's what makes me.. ME! 

This post again is kinda all discombobulated but if you read this far you are awesome and can't wait to write more and more! Thank you so much and have an awesome day/night where ever you are!  

Just a Minute...When to say enough is enough?

Hey guy so for Sundays Just a Minute i wanted to talk about when to say enough is enough.What i mean when to say this is that we all know our head and mind can be a safe haven but at the same token it can be our nightmare because you can go in a million different directions in how you think about something. So I've been getting in my head about when you know someone and you kinda sorta have a connection but so many things go down then up, for me it's kinda getting old. For example ive had someone call me probably one of the worst things to be called and you get taken back like Woah! First thing to happen is anger but even after the cool down and you get a sincere apology you think okay I can forgive you but i will never forget what was said ever and honestly i don't know how i even talk to them because they don't deserve. So you think okay bad rough patch that's all nope but then again and again and again this person just keep treating you like complete garbage when you have no idea for the most idiotic reasons. This is something that sounds so odd but when i get told sorry its the most emptiest apology I've ever been told for the simple fact is they say sorry for everything.This is when I think enough is enough and you need to deal with what you should do next so that those feelings of doubt,anger or depression and the biggest one of all the arguing and fighting can stop! Now I know this is kinda an odd post but this something I think not just myself but others have to deal with as well. No matter how important the relationship is you really have to consider and think is this worth salvaging or should I just let it play out and whatever happens happens. Whatever the choice you have to be able to stick to that because if you show cracks then you'll start to doubt all the work you've put in to better your life which EVERYONE deserves! Maybe one day when everything has cooled down you can make an attempt at having a relationship again and who knows maybe that break that you decided on helped not only you but hopefully the person you took the break from and that they started to realize what they did and how they treated. So you guys can start with a fresh slate and the past is the past for a reason to be left behind with all the troubles we will face. 

With that I hope you guys have an awesome Night/Day wherever you are :D

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A New Adventure!

Hey guys! I meant to post Tuesday but i went to work and then after honestly i was just tired! But getting to today's post, is something very new to me and something scary and very very exciting. So for you guys out there i'm a HUGE photography fan I love looking at photos, I love to even more take photos. So with that I try to take what i think is the most amazing shot barley edit it at all just minor things like lighting and shadows nothing big. For as long as i can remember I've loved doing it more then anything and people always tell me hey these are really good you should consider doing this and i was like oh haha lol! But now I'm taking it more serious I had a conversation with my aunt about this amazing picture i took when flying into Chicago and i texted her and said hey look at this amazing shot. She was like WOW you should look into selling it and i was HUH? that's an interesting concept so i played with the idea and I decided I'm just gonna do it so I posted my first picture I took on society6 and put it up for sale on different things like a poster, canvas and iPhone case. It's not about the money its about maybe people will actually see this and like it and i can get a really good feedback for it and continue to do something I am so so passionate about and take more and more amazing shots! So with that guys that's my little update and it would be so awesome if you just went and gave my page a like and checked out whats on their! :) Thank you so much and have an amazing day! 

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Society6- Chicago Lights